Life Left to Go
by Night N. Gail
Summary: Danny bit his lip and reluctantly made a tough decision. It was embarrassing, childish, and made him feel like a total wimp, but the gravity of the situation persuaded him to not care. He couldn't take another night of this...


**Foreword:**

**This oneshot is set shortly after _The Ultimate Enemy, _so you do the spoiler math. Oh, and you can skip the rest of this long-winded introduction if you want. ^^' Well, so much for my dream of being a reputable, award-winning writer who everyone takes seriously. The way I do fanfiction, my future writing career is probably in children's stories. *-* Anyway, yes, I caved yet again to my inner child and actually wrote a Danny Phantom fanfic, but I'll have you all know that it wasn't something I planned on! Even when I found myself falling hopelessly in love with the story and characters of this silly little cartoon, I had no intention whatsoever of pursuing that affection all the way to FFNet. There I was, just minding my own business trying to work on my Ratchet & Clank chapterfic, and all of a sudden this Danny story just started _flowing_ so strongly that I _had_ to write it down. This seems to be God's way of making fun of me. That's what I get for asking Him to make me a good writer. -_- In all seriousness, though, I _am_ grateful to God for giving me the inspiration for this story, and however embarrassed I may be if certain family members or friends ever get wind of it, I'm glad I took the time to write it. :)**

* * *

><p><em>I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do... So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.<em>

— _Romans 7:15,21_

« ... »

"_Look at you," the specter commanded after shoving her prey into an alley wall. She swatted away his only weapon and grabbed him by the chin, forcing him to look at her shadowy face as her verbal assault continued. "What are you? A ghost trying to fit in with humans, or some creepy little boy with creepy little powers?"_

_ He tried to put on a brave face. He knew that her greatest weapon was his own insecurity—his lack of confidence in himself. She'd been using his emotions against him for the past week, and had him so wrapped around her finger that he couldn't remember a time when he'd felt like he was worth something. He tried so hard... but like always, it wasn't enough. It was _never_ enough. And the feelings of insufficiency and worthlessness rose up in him once more, tightening Spectra's invisible grip around him. It was like he was fighting against himself._

_ He took a deep breath past the cruel black hand clutching his face and tried to answer her tormenting question. "Both!—Uh, neither... I don't know!"_

_ "You're a freak!" she shouted. "Not a ghost, not a boy! Who cares for a thing like you?"_

Danny gasped, and his eyes flew open. He sat up in bed and panted nervously as he looked around his room, going through the standard post-nightmare motions. Normally he would dismiss such a disturbing dream as meaningless. After all, he was a teenager doomed to a life of haunting and hunting by his very DNA. Dreams about ghosts didn't surprise him anymore... But this one wasn't a dream. It was a memory, and one that he had relived in his sleep almost every night since the day of the Career Aptitude Test.

Sighing deeply, he pulled aside the covers and let his legs dangle off the side of the bed. He rubbed his eyes until his vision cleared and then stared for a long moment at his hands. He turned them over twice, flexed his fists a few times, then lightly touched his left palm with the fingers of his right hand. He felt warm skin. Human flesh. When he pressed harder he could even feel a pulse. It was a little quick after that dream, but it was _there_. It wasn't there when he was in ghost form. In ghost form his skin was cold and his wounds leaked ectoplasm instead of blood—a painful reminder that he truly had ceased to be human.

The chilling voice of another, more recent memory flooded into his mind, filling the silence of the dark room. _"You don't get it, do you? I'm still here. _I_ still exist. That means _you_ still turn into _me_."_

Danny bit his lip and reluctantly made a tough decision. It was embarrassing, childish, and made him feel like a total wimp, but the gravity of the situation persuaded him to not care. He couldn't take another night of this.

He got out of bed without bothering to put on his slippers, left his room without closing the door, and tiptoed barefoot down the dark hallway. He stopped in front of the familiar door that he passed without a thought every morning on his way down to breakfast, and realized that he had hardly seen the room on its other side in the past six years. He felt a little guilty for that somehow.

Taking a deep breath, he turned the knob as quietly as he could and gently pushed the door open. Moonlight streaming into the room from the window illuminated the bed opposite the door and the red-headed girl tucked under a thick purple blanket with her cherished teddy bear clutched close.

Danny smiled at the sight of her, and was surprised at himself for the second or third time that night. A couple weeks ago if he'd seen his mature, brilliant older sister cuddled up in bed with that stupid old toy, he would've laughed—not smiled like a sentimental sap. Then again, he reminded himself, if he weren't going through some strange fundamental changes, he wouldn't be here in the first place.

He closed the door behind him and stepped over to the bed. Swallowing his pride along with his second, third, and fourth thoughts, he jostled the sleeping girl while whisper-shouting, "Hey! Jazz, wake up."

Jasmine stirred and mumbled for a moment before she opened her eyes, and when she saw him she gasped in surprise. "Danny? What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night."

"I know. I'm sorry," Danny muttered, sheepishly averting his eyes. "I was just—wondering if you—wouldn't mind talking with me for a while."

The surprise on Jazz's face drove a rush of blood straight up into his. He only hoped it was too dark in the room for her to see him blushing. However, true to the dependable, good-natured big sister she prided herself on being, Jazz sat bolt upright, turned on the lamp on her nightstand and said, "Of course I don't mind! Here, sit down."

She donned an inviting smile and gestured for Danny to sit next to her on the bed. He felt like he was surrendering his dignity as he did so, but Danny did as she beckoned, purposely leaving a gap of a few inches between them, which Jazz promptly closed.

"So... what's on your mind?" she asked.

Danny looked down at his feet, hunched over and sullen. He squeezed his hands together in his lap, trying to organize his chaotic thoughts into words that would make sense.

"Well," he began, "now that you know about my powers—I mean, you've known about my powers for a while now, but now that I _know_ you know about my powers—"

"Danny..."

"Right. Sorry..." He sighed and started over. "You said you've known since the Spectra thing, right?"

"That's right. I saw you change outside the department store the day that weird bobcat ghost attacked."

"Wow. You held it in for a really long time, huh?"

"Four months, two weeks, and three days," Jazz rattled off in her college-professor voice, then added more tenderly, "but that's not what's bothering you, is it?"

Danny cringed at her perceptiveness. It was useless trying to hide anything from Jazz. With her he was completely transparent, even when he _wasn't_ invisible. He sighed and tried once more to get to the point, which was hard when he wasn't even sure what the point was himself.

"We saved each other's lives that day, Jazz. Remember?"

"How could I forget?"

"But, right between the vaporizing ray and the Fenton Peeler, I had a little... conversation with Spectra."

Jazz darkened a bit. "Yeah, I remember what she said to you. She knew exactly how to attack people's weaknesses, huh?"

"Especially mine." Danny looked up at his sister and admitted shamefully, "She asked me whether I was a ghost or a human... and I couldn't answer."

"Danny, you know she was just saying what she knew would get under your skin."

"Yeah, I know... and once I captured her, I didn't have any trouble blowing it off, but... after what happened last week... or what _almost_ happened, I guess... I just can't get that question out of my head." He paused for a few seconds, then turned to look his sister in the eye and asked her with a tone of childlike dread, "Jazz... who am I?"

Jasmine's perplexed expression changed to one of sympathy and worry, like she was about to cry. She started to speak, but it was too late. The floodgates had been opened, and Danny couldn't restrain his inner storm long enough to hear her out.

"If only Spectra were here now, right?" he spat sarcastically.

"Danny..."

"She'd have a _field day_ feeding on _this_ feeling."

"Danny!"

"I mean, do you realize what almost happened because of me?"

"_Almost_ happened."

"No, Jazz! 'Almost' doesn't make it okay!"

"Why not? You kept it from happening. Shouldn't that be enough?"

"Jazz, I _murdered_ my whole family! You, Mom and Dad, even my teacher and my best friends! I saw a future where I was hated and feared, and my future self _liked_ it that way. How am I supposed to live with myself knowing I have the potential to become that monster?"

"Danny, I don't believe he was you. I never did, and I never will! He didn't even _look_ like you! Why are you so sure he was?"

Danny turned to Jasmine with a guilty frown. It was a memory he'd never experienced, but when Vlad Masters had recounted the horrifying story to him, Danny had felt as though he were there and could see it all happening right in front of him. He saw his human self cringing against the wall as his ghost self closed in for the kill, and he saw the cold deadness in his dark eyes—eyes that didn't have a trace of Daniel Fenton left in them. All that remained was a vengeful spirit, but it was him nonetheless. It was everything inside him that was cruel, selfish, and evil, minus everything that wasn't, and like always he was driven to it by guilt.

"In the future I prevented, you all died because of me. Because of _my_ mistake. Vlad's future self told me that I couldn't live with the guilt afterward and so I went to him and asked him to use his ghost gauntlets to pull out my human emotions. Instead he got my ghost half, who turned on him and used the gauntlets to pull out _his_ ghost half. Then the two ghost halves merged together into one full ghost, and he became my future self."

Danny stood up from the bed and walked a few paces away. He stopped near the door and stared for a moment at the faint shadow being projected softly against the wall in the moonlight. A colorless, faceless outline of his small body. A perfect cutout of darkness where his presence blocked the light.

His future self wasn't like the countless evil ghosts who he'd defeated and then all but forgotten. Even though he'd beaten him and kept the future he created from happening, he could never escape the knowledge of who and what he was. The memory of his callous voice was like a deafening wail that Danny couldn't silence, haunting his very mind the way most ghosts haunted the walls of a building. Everything he had said and everything he had done was branded on Danny's young heart as a mark of eternal shame.

_ "I'll _never_ turn into you!" Danny shouted. "Never!"_

_ "Of course you will," the phantom replied in a calm, confident tone as he transformed before Danny's eyes into a mirror image of his younger self. "It's only a matter of time."_

Danny seized his eyes shut and clenched his hands into trembling fists. Jazz couldn't possibly understand this pain—this guilty dread that would hang over him for the rest of his life. What was the point of trying to explain it to her? Yet, he couldn't stop himself from vomiting up the contents of his heart.

"He knew everything about me. He had my memories, my powers—everything except my human half. He killed _him_ right after he was created, so in a way it's like I murdered _myself_, too." He chuckled at the irony and added, "How's _that_ for psycho? My future self hated me! When he found out I'd come from the past, he threw me into the Ghost Zone to rot while he took over my life to make sure I couldn't change anything. That's who I become when I screw up so bad I can't live with myself anymore!"

Finally he stopped and turned back around to look at his sister. Her eyes gaped at him in silent horror, and Danny realized for the first time that she had never heard this story before. She must have learned about his future self _somehow_, since she sent him a note that saved him from his fate, but why would she know any details? Who could've told her? Had Danny realized what an enormous burden he was to heap upon her, he would have stayed in bed. All he needed now was more guilt.

"Jazz, I—I'm sorry..."

Jasmine wiped a tear from her eye and looked back up at Danny. Then she patted the empty spot on the bed beside her without saying anything. Danny bit his lip and looked away, but after a few uncertain seconds he quietly returned to Jazz's bedside. Once again he sat down next to her, this time without leaving any extra space, and buried his face in his hands. He felt her arm reach around him, and her hand came to rest on his shoulder. That was a surprise. How could she still be willing to touch him after what he'd just revealed to her?

"You said he had everything about you except your humanity, right?" she asked after a moment of silence.

"Yeah."

"Well, isn't your humanity what makes you who you are?"

"Yes, but that's just it!" Danny snapped. "Before the accident, I never would've thought it was possible for a human to have ghost powers, and before the C.A.T. test, I never would've thought it was possible for _me_ to turn into something so evil... It's like my powers are taking me over—turning me into something I don't want to be. They've caused me nothing but trouble ever since I got them, and no matter how hard I try to use them for good, it seems like evil is always right there waiting for me."

Jazz sighed and somberly murmured, "Danny, there's evil in all of us. It comes with being human, and it has nothing to do with your powers. They're a part of you, just like your mind and your body. They can be used for good _or_ evil. It's the choices you make that determine who you are."

"What if I make the wrong choices?"

"You learn from your mistakes and move on."

"But what if I make too many?"

"That's not possible. No matter what you do wrong or how badly you mess up, the people who love you will always care about you. And knowing that will help you do the right thing—with your powers, _and_ with your life. The world you saw was just one possible future, and you prevented it. You can't let it keep you from building a _better_ future."

Danny tried to smile, and failed. He knew she was right, and her encouragement meant a lot to him, but for some reason the comfort she intended just refused to take root in his heart. He closed his eyes and turned away, pushing her hand off his shoulder. "The people who care about me deserve better than me," he said. "You deserve a better brother, Mom and Dad deserve a better son, Sam and Tucker deserve a better friend, and I... Well, right now I just don't feel like I deserve a better future."

Jazz was quiet for a moment, and Danny couldn't even begin to guess what was going through her head. He was shocked at his own words, and wished he could take them back. He wished he'd never come to Jazz and asked to talk. He wished he'd just stayed in bed and accepted his nightmares as fair punishment for his failure as a human being—_and_ as a ghost. He was almost ready to jump to his feet, run back to his room, lock the door and bury his head under his pillow, when Jazz stilled him with her gentle voice once more.

"Danny," she said, "Would you... change for me?"

Danny looked up at her in surprise. "What?"

"Change for me," she repeated. "You know, into Danny Phantom. I've seen you do it before, but always by accident or at a distance. I want to see you do it right here in front of me. No cool superhero pose, no flying off afterward... Just you showing me your powers. Will you do that for me?"

Danny was confused by her request, and showed it by raising an eyebrow, but once more he submitted to his sister's wishes and focused his energy on the transformation. Like always, a ring of white light appeared around his middle and split off into two rings that spread across his body, peeling away his human self and leaving a ghost in its place. He turned to face Jazz, not knowing what to expect from her. He wasn't sure whether or not he should be surprised that her reaction was a non-reaction. She didn't even flinch, just kept smiling at him for a few seconds, then reached out and touched his face. Her fingertips were warm against his cheek.

"Did you know that—your skin changes color, too?" she said.

"Really?"

"Yep." She nodded, and added with a giggle, "It's darker, like you fell asleep in a tanning bed. It actually looks pretty cool with the white hair and green eyes."

Danny couldn't help but smile, and that seemed to make her happy. Her fingers drifted down from his face, and she grasped his hand tightly in her own.

"Danny," she whispered in her most concerned, sincere tone, "You may not know who or what you are—to the world, or even to yourself... but I'll tell you what you are to me. You're my little brother. You're half ghost and all heart. You're only fourteen years old and you spend your free time using powers you don't even want to protect people you don't even know. Day after day you face battles that most people would run away from, and on top of all that you still try your best to do well in school. You never give up, no matter how hard things get, and you've never hesitated to risk your life in order to protect someone. You're my definition of a hero... and you're my number-one role model."

Danny's mouth opened involuntarily, but no words came. He felt like the heart he didn't have in ghost form was beating out of control, brimming over with emotions he hadn't felt in a long time. Without warning, a tingling sensation tickled his eyes.

"Aw, Danny..." Jazz said endearingly. "I didn't know ghosts could cry."

Danny shied back. He could practically feel his face turning red. He turned away and muttered, "What are you talking about? I'm not crying."

"Then what's that wet stuff trickling down your face?"

"Jazz, I am _not_ crying!"

"I think someone needs a tissue and a hug," the perky girl teased. "C'mere, little brother!"

Grinning from ear to ear, she opened her arms wide, mockingly inviting him to further invade her personal space.

"Ew!" Danny exclaimed. "I am _so_ outta here!"

Danny took to the air and phased through the wall to the outside. He closed his eyes and soared high into the sky, breathing deeply the fresh night air as it swept across his face and dried his tears. This was the first time in days he'd felt light enough to fly, and now that he was doing it because he _wanted_ to, with no life-or-death matter riding on his speed, he remembered how much he loved flying just for fun.

He did a figure 8, a few loops and then, surprising himself for the umpteenth time that night, he laughed. It was a long, genuine, hearty laugh that probably would've woken the whole neighborhood if he'd been a bit closer to the ground. What was so funny, he wondered? His heart did a somersault that his body reflexively followed when he realized he wasn't laughing because he was amused, but because he was _happy_.

_Honestly, Jazz... _I'm_ your role-model? _Me?_ Of all the people you admire?_

He still couldn't wrap his mind around it. Jazz, his smart, sophisticated, overachieving big sister, actually looked up to _him._ How could that be? He was a clueless, immature C student who most people couldn't pick out of a crowd. He was nothing special. Yet in spite of all his failings, Jazz had said that he was her role-model, and if there was one thing Danny knew about his sister, it was that she couldn't tell a lie with a straight face. She had meant what she said to him; there was no doubt about it.

_ I won't let her down__,_ Danny resolved, recommitting himself to a promise he'd made long ago. _I can't. Not if she has that much faith in me__._

« ... »

Jasmine walked over to the window and stared out at the night sky, watching her brother's silhouette streak across the stars. It was just like the night after Spectra's defeat, back when she'd first learned his secret. She could tell by the way he moved and swayed so freely through the air—his 'gait' if such a word could apply to flying—that he was okay again. His burdened young heart wasn't so heavy as it was when he came to her such a short time ago.

Beaming with pride and gratitude, she tucked a loose strand of orange hair behind her right ear and returned to her bed. She reached under her pillow and pulled out a folded-up paper wrapped in a strip of aqua cloth. It was the note she'd sent to Danny after meeting his future self: her last desperate effort to save him from that future. Thank God it had worked, but it had also tipped Danny off that she knew his secret. She would always remember that soft smile he'd shot her outside school after the whole nightmare was over, calmly asking, _"So, how long have you known?"_

She couldn't believe he had actually recognized her handwriting—although her headband was probably the bigger giveaway. She probably should have tied the paper with something else, but now she was glad she hadn't. Being able to share in this deep level of intimate trust with her only dear brother meant the world to her. _Danny_ meant the world to her, and it looked like he was finally beginning to understand that.

Jazz tied up her hair in the headband and hugged the note to her chest while a few more tears rolled down her face.

"Good night, Danny," she whispered with an affectionate smile, turning off her lamp and climbing back into bed. "I love you."

« « « « « ж » » » » »

_Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails._

—_1 Corinthians 13:6-8a_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

**This piece was probably inspired by a combination of me over-analyzing stories like I always do, and a philosophical debate I had with my sister over whether or not the evil future Danny Phantom was really _Danny_. I was thinking about _The Ultimate Enemy_ (which is my favorite episode of the series, btw XD), and I surmised that the events of that episode must have been pretty traumatic for Danny after the fact. Of course, the cartoon wouldn't have the capacity to explore such trauma within the confines of the Y7 rating, but hey, that's what fanfiction is for, right? ^-^ Thinking about the essence of what happened in TUE brought me back to what Penelope Spectra said to Danny at the end of _My Brother's Keeper_ (which is my second-favorite episode, btw XP). I always thought that was one of the most poignant dialogue bits in the show. It was just so chilling the question she posed to Danny about his double-sided nature, and the unsure way that he responded to her made me think that there was probably some unresolved inner conflict there. Then I thought, "What better experience to bring that conflict raging back to the surface than Danny meeting his evil future self?" Thus, a fic was born. I hope it's worth the time I spent on it, since I really should've been working on _The General and Kaden_. DX I named it after the song "Life Left to Go" by Safetysuit, because I think that song _totally_ captures the feeling of this oneshot and what is going through Jazz's head as she tries to console her brother. T-T Interestingly enough, I was introduced to that song by _my_ little brother, who is actually Danny's age. XP It's one of his favorites. :)**


End file.
